It might be depressing to many to read my blogs as of late, but that's just the way life has been. I'm not blaming life for it, I blame myself for getting into such messes. Thank god for second chances, no wait, third chances that life gives you at times. Otherwise only God knows where I would be right now. I was just walking back into my apartment after a cigarette and it came to me....I feel like a ghost of me is just floating around touching a little bit of this and little bit of that. Nothing really is stable, nothing really is sticking. As it has been on so many occasions, I don't know where I'm going with this. But I remember a time when writing out what I'm feeling at a certain moment had a calming effect. Yes, I say "remember a time" because that's how long its been since those fleeting moments were actually something I owned. Now, I talk about as my accomplishments in the past, but what do I have to show for myself in the present. Anyways, I hope it gets better. I hope I do well on the steps, because it seems to me that transferring to my present Medical school is/was a bad idea. I'm trying to be optimistic about it, but I can't. I'm always sad and there are these tiny, but significant little windows of hope. The hope of doing well on the Steps and all will be well again in no time. I also hope that I can go for kuchi's birthday :(
She's an awesome person and I'm lucky to have such a sweet sister. I owe it to her for me to be there. That's why I hope I get a travel document to go to Barbados to get my passport. Hope it all works out.
