The world will be mine

As I close my eyes, I envision this future of mine where I am the painter of my own destiny. I draw out every door I want to enter and erase the ones I will never need. There will come a time when things will be done my way and not give a second thought as to what others think. There will be no bars, no barricades and no barriers between me and my passion. All my life, I have been restricted to the minimal simply because the situation, be it financial or some other, have dictated on how I should be living my life. There is an end in sight, and I believe that I have seen it, be it vaguely. I will follow my dreams and will fulfill all that I ever wanted to accomplish. There is more to me than what meets the eyes. I want to be somebody in this world and being famous is not the only way to do that. I want to make a difference by helping others achieve what they are unable to themselves. There is a bit of a selfish motive to my goals. I have not felt a sense of accomplishment till today. The only way to achieve this is, at least for me, is to help others. It might sound high and mighty, but I've realized this about myself. There is no big paycheck waiting for me at the finish line but I am quite convinced there is something bigger than that which can provide equal amount of happiness if not more.
This is all well till the fact kicks in about the road which I want to take to meet those goals. Its so long and tedious. Am I really up for such struggles? I have scraped through so far somehow with the constant tug of doubt, uncertainty and fear. The Mexico trip will be one of simple relaxation and letting go of all my thoughts and actions. I will come back from the vacation hopefully rejuvenated to tackle the next phase of my life. :)
I'm still in Capen slogging away at those notes, which I love, ever so dearly. The last exam of undergraduate to ever study for and yet it does not fill me with any sort of excitment. Get on facebook, and the status updates pretty much scream the same shit- " last exam for undergrad, last class for undergrad..." I am happy for them, but I envy their joy. Where do they get it from? One half of my conscious asks the question, the other half immediately has an answer. Its their success. What do I have to show for these past 5 years? I have had extremely good friends who calling friends would be an insult. They have become more of a family than some of the people I have known all my life. I don't have an answer for that just yet. I am extremely tired and exhausted. So I'ma go back to them notes. Good night sleepyheads..... :) tomorrow will be a better day, let it be a better day.